Find information on how to approach supporting bereaved employees, including bereavement leave, what to say, returning to work, and common responses to grief.
Losing a loved one will be one of the biggest personal challenges that your employees will face. In a recent survey by Sue Ryder, nearly 1 in 4 employees had lost a loved one in the last 12 months.
It can be difficult to know how to support employees during difficult times such as bereavement. Supporting your employee will help not just them but their family, and their colleagues within your organisation.
Taking a proactive approach
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Bereavement support doesn’t just begin at the point of bereavement. Depending on the size of your organisation, you may be supporting many bereaved employees at various time. Consider communicating and signposting to support before employees need it, for example, in your recruitment and induction processes.
Managers should feel confident accessing relevant policies and signposting their colleagues to further support. Regular training on bereavement at work is helpful for managers.
Downloadable booklets are available here to read at your own pace:
Make sure you have a clear, well-communicated bereavement policy. Signpost to any internal or external support throughout your internal communication channels. Ask staff to document any important numbers or websites ahead of time, such as saving the number for your Employee Assistance Programme.
It is likely you will need to be flexible and may need to make accommodations based on individual needs, however, having a plan in place can help prevent a lot of unnecessary stress for support teams and managers.
Bereavement leave
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There is no legal requirement for employers to offer bereavement leave in the UK. The exception is parental bereavement pay which employees receive when a child dies.
However, around 7 in 10 employers do offer some length of paid leave. This is commonly between 3 and 5 days. Employers are not obligated to offer paid leave but it is increasingly expected by employees. If someone needs longer, for example if they have to travel abroad, there might be additional unpaid leave available.
For further information on bereavement leave, visit the Acas website.
What to say and not say
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It’s important to offer condolences as soon as you know of an employee’s bereavement. Even a simple note to tell them how sorry you are is always better than ignoring the loss or delaying your response. The employee will likely be in shock and may be very overwhelmed.
Letting them know that they don’t need to worry about work is often reassuring. It is also helpful to talk about leave and pay, as well as signpost to any internal or external support options such as your Employee Assistance Programme. Compassionate Employers provides a dedicated bereavement helpline.
If the employee goes on bereavement leave, ask how they would like to stay in touch and share their preferences across the HR team. Check in with the employee regularly and try not to apply pressure to return to work before they are ready.
Ask the employee if they would like HR to share the news with their team or colleagues. They may not want to share any information or receive condolence gifts. Always respect the employee’s wishes. What may seem commonplace for one person can be seen as inappropriate for others.
You can use your organisation’s bereavement policy to guide how much leave employees are entitled to. Wherever possible be generous and flexible.
While the employee is on leave, stay in regular contact to see how they are doing. Try not to pressure them with questions about returning to work. They will share this when they are ready. Once they are ready to return to work, it can be helpful to have a plan in place and decide this together.
Coming back to work after a bereavement can be daunting for the person who has been bereaved and uncomfortable for their colleagues, although it doesn’t need to be.
Line managers may ask for help about how best to manage the process. Here are some tips to make it easier for everyone:
Returning to work doesn’t mean the end of an employee’s grief. It will likely be weeks or months before they return to their previous productivity. Sometimes people are changed forever because of their grief. Keep this in mind when reviewing performance.
Offer a phased return and/or flexible working. For example, the employee may return towards the end of the week or on a part-time basis for the first few days to help them to adjust. They may also find it easier to work on a different work pattern, especially if they have practical matters to attend to or additional caring responsibilities.
Most people want their loss to be acknowledged and to be treated as normally as possible when they return to work. However, if the employee doesn’t want to share their loss this should always be respected.
The first reference to the bereavement should be private and as natural as possible. Line managers may not need to set up a special meeting if their workplace layout allows them to have a short private conversation.
Line managers should let colleagues know that the bereaved person will be coming back and share with them any information they can about what has happened, how the bereaved person would like to be treated and where colleagues can find support if they need it.
As part of treating the bereaved person normally, the line manager will want to make sure that they are brought up to date with what has been happening in the workplace, including any workload changes, and planning their work schedule.
People can be over-optimistic about how easily they will get back into their work routine so it is good practice for line managers to:
Make a point of checking regularly how well the bereaved person is managing and adjust workload if necessary;
Reassure them of the organisation’s support;
Remind them about what the organisation can do for them in terms of flexible working and compassionate leave.
Remind them of any external support such as helplines, support groups or counselling through your EAP.
The rollercoaster of grief
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Every employee will respond to grief differently. Grief affects both our mental and our physical health. Common side effects of grief include impaired memory, disturbed sleep, lower immune system, fatigue, irritability and many more. For more information about grief and grief theory visit the dedicated page.
It’s important to keep this in mind when an employee returns to work, and especially when considering performance. They may find it hard to concentrate or perform to the same level as previously. They may avoid social situations or take more time off sick than usual. Try to support the employee as much as possible throughout this adjustment. Keep an open dialogue and find supportive solutions that work for both of you.
Remember that everyone grieves differently and there is no timescale for ‘getting over’ grief. Many people never get over losing a loved one. Instead, they prefer to say they are learning to move forward and adjust to life without their loved one. Some people will find being at work helpful. It can be a welcome distraction from their grief. Some people may cope well in the days and weeks after someone dies but need support many months later.
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Grief is not linear
Grief triggers
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How we cope with bereavement can often be affected by how the person died. A suicide will be quite different from death at the end of a long illness. Losing a baby during pregnancy is quite another thing again.
It is not possible to fully understand and appreciate what someone is going through. There is no hierarchy of grief, but rather different experiences and responses.
Knowing the sort of death the bereaved person is coping with will help a compassionate employer respond as helpfully as possible and signpost to relevant support. However not everyone will want to share this. In the same way, if you know that the bereaved person comes from a particular culture or religion, that will help steer you to make the best response, but it is best to allow them to lead.
Most people are able to cope with bereavement without professional help. Grief is not an illness, though it can be exhausting and unpredictable. It does not have a set, or even a usual, length. People who were managing well can be caught unexpectedly by ‘grief triggers’ such as:
Birthdays or significant anniversaries
The due date of a baby who died in pregnancy
The date of the funeral
Less obvious dates such as the date of diagnosis.
Holidays and events can be difficult, especially the first one after the death, and if it is an option the bereaved person may choose to work through the holiday as a distraction.
Some people choose to become very busy after a bereavement, whether with the legalities of managing the estate or by campaigning for a relevant charity. This sort of activity can have the effect of postponing grief.
Types of bereavement
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The information below may be of use to you.
A parent who has lost a child will need the same support in their bereavement as anyone else. Their grief will be coloured by their role as a parent and their instinct to protect a child.
Here are some pointers for if support staff or line managers need help in responding:
If a colleague has lost a baby in early pregnancy, colleagues may not even have known that they or their partner were pregnant. The baby – not to be described as a foetus or an embryo – will have been important to the parents and they will grieve for the death.
Bereaved parents are usually offered a photograph of their dead baby. Line managers may wish to know about this in case the bereaved parent wants to show this to colleagues. Being forewarned will allow them to respond sympathetically even if they find the image upsetting.
Colleagues should not be alarmed if the police have been involved. This is standard practice with all unexpected child deaths even if they are caused by illness.
This is not just about small children and babies. A parent who loses an adult child experiences the same feelings of loss and wrongness as any other bereaved parent.
Any death, even an expected one, is likely to come as a shock when it happens. When a death is completely unexpected the shock and surprise make it even harder to know how to respond to the bereaved person.
Sudden deaths can be natural, such as those caused by illness, like a heart attack or stroke. Others might be:
Accidents
Suicide
Murder or manslaughter.
Sudden or unexpected death automatically involves the coroner and an inquest. This is normal and does not imply that anyone is to blame.
Social media means that news and rumours spread very quickly and easily. The media may not have the full facts so don’t assume that they are giving a true picture.
It may be that the authorities have asked for some details to be kept confidential. If the death is of a staff member and generates publicity, HR may need to take charge of internal and external communications to avoid any speculation.
If the bereaved person wants to talk about the death and their feelings they will do so, and they may themselves have many questions they want answers to, especially in the early days when the death is being investigated.
You can help by letting them know who they can talk to in the organisation, including any counselling services available to them.
If the death was the result of murder or manslaughter, the investigation may go on for months or even years. Depending on how the bereaved person was involved, they may need to attend an inquest or be a witness at a trial.
If they suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), they may need specialist help to overcome it before they are able to grieve.
Organisations work hard to respect diversity in their staff and the Equality Act 2010 sets out their obligations to do so.
People do not have to share information about their religious background if they prefer not to. However, if they do, this can help colleagues to say the right thing and provide the right support when they need to deal with sensitive issues such as bereavement.
Questions that might be directly relevant to bereavement include:
Do they need to travel to allow them to fulfil religious obligations?
Are there any cultural practices, such as fasting, which colleagues may need to know about?
Would it be appropriate for colleagues to attend the funeral? If so, is there anything those colleagues need to know? For example, often only men attend Muslim burials.
If you plan to arrange a collection, what would be a suitable tribute? For example, flowers and a card might be appropriate for one religion but not for another.
You may want to include funeral attendance in your bereavement policy. It may be that everyone who wishes to go can be given the time, but there may need to be cover arrangements.
If the funeral is at a distance, the organisation may wish to provide transport for those attending or for whoever is chosen to represent the workplace.
The organisation may wish to do something like planting a tree in memory of the person who has died. Such a gesture is likely to be welcomed but you will want to be careful about setting a precedent that might cause problems in the future.
Carers and people who have been bereaved may find that their own health, both physical and mental, is affected. If an organisation has an occupational health service, it can offer health checks for these staff.
HR can support bereaved employees by organising an occupational health assessment and checking in with the employee through the process.
Key takeaways
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It is important to have proactive bereavement support in place, including accessible, easy to understand policies and clearly communicated signposting.
Offer condolences as soon as possible. Communication should be ongoing and led by the employee’s preferences.
Bereavement leave should be paid and reflective of the individual circumstances wherever possible.
Making adjustments and being flexible will help employees adjust when returning to work.
Consider the effects of grief on performance and productivity.
Grief is very individual and has no timeline. Employees may take weeks or months to process their grief, and have good days and bad days. Triggers can happen unexpectedly.
Different types of loss may require different support. SPecialist services are available.
People will each react differently to loss due to their personality, personal history, culture or religion.
Time for practical matters should be considered such as arranging and attending a funeral, executing a will or additional caring responsibilities. This can take a year or more to complete.
Needs may change in the weeks or months following a death. Grief can be a rollercoaster and doesn’t have a finite end period.
There may be financial changes as a result of the loss. For example, if the person who died was the primary wage earner or primary carer, the employee may need to revaluate their employment or working patterns.
