Coping with Bereavement by Suicide

The suddenness of suicide often leaves loved ones in a state of shock, struggling to comprehend the loss. You may feel numb or disconnected from reality as your mind attempts to protect you from the pain. This is very common. 

It’s common to question what you could have done differently or to feel responsible for the death. Many people experience guilt, replaying events and wondering if there was something they could have done to prevent the suicide. These thoughts are a natural part of grieving, but it’s important to remember that neither you, nor the person who died by suicide, are to blame for their loss.

It's normal to feel angry after someone dies by suicide. You might be angry at the person who died, at others, or even at yourself. This anger can come from feeling abandoned, confused, or frustrated. 

You might feel upset with the person for leaving or for not getting help, or you might blame yourself or others for not doing more. It's important to know that these feelings are a normal reaction. It's okay to feel angry. 

Profound sadness is a natural response to losing someone to suicide. You may feel overwhelmed by waves of grief that come and go, sometimes when you least expect it. You may struggle to look after yourself or go about your usual routine. 

Because suicide is still a difficult subject for many to discuss, you might feel isolated or misunderstood by others. The stigma around suicide can make it hard to share what has happened, your feelings or seek the support you need. There's still a lot of misunderstanding about suicide, and we might feel judged by others. There may be beliefs about suicide within your religion or community which might make it hard to talk about your loss openly.

You might feel like the person who died rejected you or didn't accept your help, or that they didn't value your love and care. This can make you feel like you weren't enough, which can be very painful. 

It's important to remember, as difficult as it may feel, that their struggles were not a reflection of your love or efforts—you were enough, and your care meant more than you might realise.

You might keep asking yourself why the person chose to do what they did, or if there was a way to stop it. These unanswered questions can go around and around in your mind and become very consuming. It may help to write these questions down in a journal or letter or talk through your questions with someone who understands. This can help you organise your thoughts and make sense of your feelings.

There are caring helplines and organisations available to listen whenever you're ready. Reaching out for support can be really helpful, and they are there for you, whenever you need someone to talk to.

After a bereavement by suicide, it’s common to experience a range of physical symptoms as a result of the intense emotional stress. Many people aren’t aware of the physical toll grief can take or may not immediately connect the two, but it’s a natural response to such a difficult experience. You might experience:

• Fatigue and exhaustion – Feeling physically drained or constantly tired, even after rest.
• Aches and pains – Unexplained headaches, backaches, or muscle pain.
• Changes in appetite – Eating too much or too little, or having no appetite at all.
• Sleep disturbances – Trouble falling asleep, waking up frequently, or experiencing nightmares.
• Nausea or digestive issues – Upset stomach, nausea, diarrhea, or constipation.
• Heart palpitations – Feeling a racing or pounding heart.
• Tightness in the chest – A feeling of heaviness or constriction in the chest.
• Shortness of breath – Difficulty breathing or a sense of breathlessness.
• Dizziness or lightheadedness – Feeling faint or unstable.
• Weakness – A general feeling of weakness or instability.
• Tension or stiffness – Tense muscles or physical stiffness, often in the neck or shoulders.
• Increased susceptibility to illness – A weakened immune system leading to colds or infections.
• Shaking or trembling – Physical trembling or jitteriness.

These symptoms can vary in intensity and duration, and it's important to seek support if they persist or feel overwhelming.

Simple acts like staying hydrated, eating regularly, and trying to rest can help your body cope with the stress of grief. Even short walks or getting fresh air can be beneficial. Whatever you feel able to do is enough, and any small act of care for yourself will make a difference.

Allow yourself to feel and express your emotions, whether that means crying, talking about your loved one, or simply sitting with your thoughts. There is no "correct" way to grieve or timeline that you need to adhere to. Everyone's journey with grief is different. 

Talking to others who have also lost someone to suicide might help. They may understand what you're going through and make you feel less alone. Whether through friends, support groups, or online communities, connecting with others can provide comfort and lessen the sense of isolation. You can find organisations to connect with in the 'Helpful Resources' section of this page. 

In the early stages, simply focusing on the day ahead can help make things feel a little more manageable. Grief can feel overwhelming, so it’s important to take things one day at a time. Be kind to yourself, knowing that it’s completely okay to have both good and difficult days. Grieving a loss by suicide is a deeply personal journey with no set timeline, and you don’t have to rush the healing process. Trust yourself to grieve in your own way, and try to be patient as you go through this. 

When someone dies by suicide, it can seem like people only focus on how they died, not who they were or the life they lived.

It might help to do things that remind you of the person you lost and keep their memory alive. At times this may feel very painful, so do whatever feels right and helpful for you in the moment. 

If you want to try this, you could:

• Mark special days like their birthday or anniversaries.
• Do things in their memory, like lighting a candle, growing a plant, or making a favorite meal.
• Talk to them out loud or write them a letter.
• Pray and speak to them in your prayers.
• Include their memory in your life by playing their favorite music or cooking their favorite dish.
• Share your memories of them with others.
• Keep memories of them in journals, scrapbooks, or memory boxes.

If you feel you need time away from work, reach out to your manager or HR as soon as you’re comfortable. You may be entitled to bereavement leave, and they can help you understand your options for taking the time you need.

Talking about suicide can be challenging, but it’s important to share your feelings if you feel comfortable. You might start with a trusted friend, a family member, or a support group. It’s okay to take your time and decide who you want to open up to.

It’s completely normal if you don’t feel ready to talk about your loss. Everyone processes grief differently. 

There are many resources available for those grieving a loss by suicide:

• Support Groups: Organisations like Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SOBS) offer local and online support groups where you can connect with others who have experienced similar losses.
• Employee Assistance Programs (EAP): Many workplaces offer confidential counselling services through EAPs. Check with your HR department to see what’s available to you.
• Helplines: The Samaritans offer 24/7 support if you need to talk. Call 116 123.

Even if you didn't know them well, the suicide of a colleague can still deeply affect you. Suicide doesn't just impact close family and friends; it can have a wide-reaching effect on everyone around them.

You might still feel shaken or upset, even if you weren't close. This could be because you were nearby when it happened, or because your job involves dealing with such situations.

First Hand has information for anyone affected by a suicide who didn't know the person who died.