Coping with Baby and Pregnancy Loss

It is completely natural to feel profound sadness. Grieving the loss of a baby or pregnancy is a personal process and can take time.

You may feel shocked or numb after the loss, which can make it hard to process what has happened. You may struggle to feel anything which can also bring up guilt. 

Anger is a common response, whether directed at yourself, your body, or the situation. 

You might find yourself questioning if you did something wrong. 

You might feel isolated or misunderstood, especially if others around you haven't experienced a similar loss.

"I felt incredibly lonely in my grief, even surrounded by loved ones. No one truly understood just how painful it was." 

You may feel anxious about future pregnancies or fear another loss.

Grief can also manifest physically. You might experience:

• Fatigue or exhaustion
• Difficulty sleeping
• Changes in appetite
• Physical pain or discomfort

Simple acts such as staying hydrated, eating nourishing meals, and getting adequate rest can help in managing the physical toll of grief. 

Many people who are bereaved emphasise the importance of allowing yourself to feel and express your emotions without judgment. This might include crying, talking about your feelings, or simply taking time to reflect.

Expect that there will be times within your day when you will be confronted with your loss. You may want to take a break or find a quiet space when this happens. 

Joining online support groups or forums dedicated to baby loss can provide a sense of community and understanding. Often people find comfort in connecting with others who have gone through similar experiences.

Be kind and gentle with yourself during this difficult time. It's normal to experience a range of emotions, and self-compassion can help in navigating them.

While processing your grief is important, it's also okay to take breaks and give yourself respite from your grief too. 

This quote from a bereaved mother shares how distractions can be helpful: "In the early days, I took my grief and put it into something I could “nurture”. I found gardening to be so therapeutic and allowed me to feel everything I needed to feel, while also having the award of seeing everything I grew. I also used running as a way to help me with my anger."

Some find comfort in creating rituals or memorialising their baby in a way that feels meaningful to them, such as planting a tree, lighting a candle, or writing letters.

Please reach out to your manager or HR as soon as you feel comfortable. You may be entitled to take paid or unpaid time off, and they will support with you to ensure you have the space and time you need.

If a child is stillborn after 24 weeks of pregnancy, the:

• birth mother can get up to 52 weeks of statutory maternity leave or pay
• birth father can get up to 2 weeks of paternity leave or pay
• partner of the birth mother or adopter can get up to 2 weeks of paternity leave or pay

They will both be entitled to 2 weeks of parental bereavement leave after they finish their maternity or paternity leave.

If a miscarriage happens in the first 24 weeks of pregnancy, unfortunately there's no entitlement to statutory maternity, paternity or parental bereavement leave.

Some employers offer additional paid leave for pregnancy loss. Check with your employer to see what support they provide beyond statutory rights.

Some people find it helpful to share or talk about their experience, while others prefer to keep it private. If you choose to share, here are some options:

Specialist Organisations: Organisations like Sands or Miscarriage Association provide helplines as well as guidance and information. 

Support Groups: Sands offers local support groups across the UK. Tommy's provides online support groups and forums where you can connect with others who have experienced pregnancy loss. The Miscarriage Association also offer online and in-person support groups, as well as a moderated online forum.

Employee Assistance Programmes: An Employee Assistance Programme (EAP) offers confidential counselling services and most organisations will have access to one. 

Peer Support Networks: Your workplace may offer internal support networks or grief cafes where you can talk to others who have experienced loss.

Your religious or spiritual leader. If you have religious or spiritual beliefs this may be a comfort to you as you grieve.

Returning to work after losing a baby can feel overwhelming. Here are some ways to make this transition easier:

Flexible Working

In England, Scotland, and Wales, all employees have the right to request flexible working since April 6, 2024, under the Flexible Working Act. You can ask for:

• Hybrid Working: A mix of working from home and the office.
• Home Working: Working entirely from home.
• Compressed Hours: Working your usual hours over fewer days.
• Part-Time Hours: Reducing your working hours as you adjust back to work.

Quiet Spaces

If you need a quiet place to take a break during the day, ask your employer if they can provide a private room or allow you to take more frequent breaks.

Workload Management

Talk to your manager about adjusting your workload. You can request:

• Reduced Workload: To help manage stress.
• Extended Deadlines: To give you more time to complete tasks.

Support from Colleagues 

If you feel comfortable let your colleagues and manager know how they can support you best during this time.

Take It Slow

Give yourself permission to ease back into work at your own pace.