‘They were there when I needed them most’: MCF grant supports children’s hospice communities

“When I thought about the word hospice, I thought it was quite hospitalised, somewhere that was clinical and not very personal to me…When I was actually referred and I got to see the place and meet the people, my view completely changed.”

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Mariyam's story

After the death of one of her twins shortly after birth, Mariyam needed the support of Forget Me Not Children’s Hospice, where she received ongoing support on her own terms.

This film shares Mariyam’s story, and how a Masonic Charitable Foundation (MCF) Grant has enabled the hospice to expand their engagement with the wide and diverse communities in West Yorkshire.

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Transforming the experience of bereavement

Mariyam explains how Forget Me Not Hospice not only changed her perception of what sort of places hospices are, but how their support transformed her experience of bereavement at a time when she needed it most.

The hospice’s CEO, Gareth Pierce, describes how the grant from MCF helped the hospice deepen their reach into local communities by expanding on a project focusing on supporting South Asian families. The funding helped employ a community engagement worker to build relationships with individuals, organisations, schools, and in religious settings in the local area.

This helps the hospice deliver on their promise to the whole community that no family in West Yorkshire will have to experience the loss of their child alone.

The MCF works in partnership with Hospice UK to deliver a programme of funding that has significant and lasting impact on communities across England and Wales.

With thanks to Forget Me Not Children’s Hospice. Film by Tom Edkins.

Mariyam:

When I was 13 weeks pregnant, that's when I found out I was actually having twins.

But between 13 weeks and 18 weeks, we were kind of sent from appointment to appointment just because we couldn't really figure out what was going on with the babies

So just before I turned 30 weeks pregnant, I was kind of told, “Right, you need to terminate your pregnancy now because we don't think they're going to make it.”

But I'm so glad that we didn't do that. I'm so glad we stuck through it because I still had the hope and I actually had hope that both my babies would make it regardless

So when I thought about the word “hospice” I thought it was quite hospitalised. It was something that was quite clinical and not something that would be very personal to me but more of a tick box, like, “Yeah, you’ve been cared for now, that’s it.”

So when I was actually referred and I got to see the place and I got to meet the people, my view completely changed.

The way that Forget Me Not that have suited to my needs and the care that I need was pretty much: “You reach out to me whenever you need the support then we'll be here for you.”

And that's exactly what they did. Because if someone said to me, “Right, you need this support, you need that”, I don't even know what's going on myself…I've just given birth, I've lost one of my babies, I don't know what sort of care I need, and especially as the months go on, I’m just learning how to be a mum.

If I rang someone at the hospice and said, “I need to see you today” or “I need to see you next week”, I know for sure that they'll be there and to me that's the kind of care that I need, just knowing someone's got my back.

Gareth:

So we know that where our hospice sits in the heart of West Yorkshire, that a large proportion of our local community is of South Asian origin.

It was a couple of years ago now that we looked at that and identified that we weren't doing enough to reach out to that community. We brought in a member of our care team specifically to focus on supporting South Asian families and that's one of our family support workers and at the end of the pandemic, that's when we decided to expand that project.

So what we did at that point was bring in a community engagement worker and really the crux of that project was relationships. And what we said at that point was, “Let's not worry about where those relationships go and what they do. Let’s start building relationships with individuals, with organisations, schools, religious settings.”

Our promise as an organisation is that no family in West Yorkshire will have to experience the loss of their child alone and that promise is to the whole community.

Mariyam:

I had the midwife from Forget Me Not come over to my house so she arranged an appointment to come and see me and I’m so glad she did because if someone said to me, “I need you to come and meet me here”, I don't think I would have gone.

Gareth:

We offer a whole host of services that is under one organisation and under one roof, free to the user, and we can support them from pre-birth, all the way through that birth, bereavement, and for whatever the future holds, and I think that's incredibly unique for an organisation.

If they were to access that service somewhere else, it would be very complicated, very time consuming, and they may not get that help.

Mariyam:

So I don't actually have any friends who are mums or expecting a baby, so it's quite lonely and a new experience for me to go through even now. But knowing that the hospice are there for me, they’re able to reach out to me, and I'm able to reach out whenever I want. It’s such a thing that I don't take for granted.

Gareth:

It's been funded in multiple ways, so some of the roles that I've talked about have been funded through various foundations, one of which being the Masonic Charitable Foundation and obviously without their help we just wouldn't be able to deliver this sort of project.

It's not just funding what we're doing now but it's funding what we're going to do in the future, and that's the best element of the funding, is that it’s sort of growing our foundations and our roots to enable us to deliver our promise as we move forward.

Mariyam:

Even though Alayna, the one that didn't make it, even though she's not here, she's always going to be with me, and I feel like I'm still a mum to two babies, not just one.

So speaking to Alaia about her sister, what happened during the pregnancy and after, these are things that I just need to look positive and look forward to talking about, and just carrying on with life and just being the best mum that I can be.